orchestrating one’s downfall

on selfish ambition and bricks

Happy New Year! I’m back, in the flesh and glad to be here. And, I bring with me a discovery. I have just discovered something from my past. Recently, I was digging through some old belongings, wading through bizarre objects boxes of bits.

As I may or may not have shared—probably not—I want to be many things over the course of my life. A business owner, a restaurateur, a fashion designer, a choreographer, an author… the list goes on and on.

However, you may not have known about my past careers, already concluded. In my infancy I had a brief stint as an architect (despite my father’s pleas), in the industry of Lego.

I was a decorated professional. My colleagues looked up to me, admired my collection when given the rare chance to marvel at my creations.

Unknown to me, my fire for the art of brick had begun to die out. My passion culminated as I decided to create the most perfect building.

A house!

No, not a mansion or a palace of a home, but a house. A cottage that would be a paradise of perfection.

All of my special pieces would go into it, from the tiny lipstick bars from my Lego Friends sets to the swivel pieces from the hair salon. The color coordinated blocks were sacrificed for uniformity as I connected every piece with intention.

I don’t know how long it took, but I was beyond satisfied by the end.

The problem was, I never played with it. I displayed it, like a gallerist. I didn’t break it. Or improve it. Or even touch it, that often.

I kid you not, when cousins came over, I moved the entire display into my parent’s bedroom, hiding the structure.

And maybe that’s just part of life, me growing up and out of my Legos.

But I can still admit to some type of transformation within.

I was too satisfied and overall much too pleased with my creation.

I didn’t believe enough in myself to build something greater than

More than that, I didn’t see the point in building something greater. The building fatigue had hit me.

I’m kind of disappointed. Like, really younger, Dimi, you didn’t think you could build better than a house??? Okay then.

Food for Takeaway

As you may guess, this is something I no longer aspire not to do: shutting myself down when I’ve really only relatively just begun.

I aspire to try new things out longer, keep creating and believe in the potential of my future.

[3] Let nothing be  done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

Philippians 2:3 NKJV

I would call this experience selfish ambition. It was just enjoyment in isolation. I wasn’t looking to grow in skills or play and bond with others, I was only looking to satisfy my own desires.

Yes, I know that enjoyment is generally the goal of a toy, and okay, maybe I’m taking it a bit far, but the point has been made. Besides, the verse I’m using says let nothing be done through selfish ambition, not excluding entertainment. This just shows that younger me had even more to learn and execute than current me.

What do you aspire not to do? What do you aspire to do?

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